The End

Today is my last day at Shaar Hagai.  After a month in Italy, I came back to Israel a few days ago to finish emptying the house, and taking care of various bureaucratic necessities. 

The house was already empty of all my personal things, all that was left was various furniture and some odd and ends of kitchen ware and such, things that would have been very expensive to ship abroad, and nothing of value, really, not monetarily or emotionally.
 

But it was quite devastating to come "home" to this house that I have lived in for 47 years.  It is no longer a home, it is four walls with some insignificant possessions left inside.  There are none of the things that I have accumulated over the years, the books, my collection of little owls, various bits and pieces that I collected in one place or another or that were given to me as gifts, the photos of the family that were on the wall, the numerous trophies and prizes the dogs had received over the years….Only empty walls, and rooms that echo 
      .because they are almost empty

And although the furniture and appliances left have no real value or significance, my heart 

still hurts as each piece is carried away by someone.  I am happy that most things are going to people that can use them, and not just being thrown out, but still every one has a history with me and many memories.

But the hardest part – there are no dogs at Shaar Hagai.  This is the very first time since I first moved in that I have been here without any dogs.  I keep looking around to see what they are doing, but the house is empty of everything except shadows.  The gates in the yard are open, there is no one for them to contain.  The yard is covered with fallen leaves, and the feeling of neglect is everywhere

I feel in limbo.  This is not my place anymore, but it is hard to get it out of my heart.  I am getting adjusted to Italy, and hope I will find enough work to be able to take care of myself and the dogs.  People are amazingly kind and welcoming and life is much calmer.  But it is still not my HOME.

Tonight I fly back.  I will not be at Shaar Hagai again.  I fly back to my dogs, to my Italian friends, to whatever lies ahead.  Shaar Hagai remains behind.